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Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
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1:09 am - Rosy Retrospection
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Apparently I chose the right career, because not only do I like programming more than my other homework assignments, I managed to convince Microsoft that I might have a future to the extent where...I got an internship with Microsoft in Seattle for 10 weeks this summer!!!!!!!!!! Okay.
I've been feeling an odd combination of nostalgia, anxiety, and excitement lately. I'm mostly going to chalk it up to moving across the country in a month. As of now, I don't know where I'm staying, what I'll be working on, how I'll be getting there....pretty scary. Also, if I hate it that means another 2-3 years of school because my major is too specialized to get a different job.
The confusing part is the nostalgia. I feel as if I'm nostalgic for a past I didn't really have, which is confusing. I wasn't overly happy or anything "back in the day," but I find myself missing that miserable day more and more. If I still wanted to be a psych major I'd attribute that to rosy retrospection, but for now I'll just blame it on the fact that I just want to sleep all the time and I worry and I just make lots of lists that never get fully crossed out and then get lost, only to be found months later, marked up with my complete failure to get anything done.
Speaking of, I'm going to finish this damn paper for that damn minicourse that I might fail, which was due last Wednesday.
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| Thursday, March 12th, 2009
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4:33 am - late late late yet early
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The frustrating part about applying to jobs is waiting. In some ways, it's worse than waiting to hear back from colleges. When applying to college it's about potential and what you'll do while you're there, with a job it's about what you managed to achieve. I hate being judged.
In related news, technical interviews where they make you solve problems are terrifying, especially when you're the last interview of the day and the technical interviewer just finished his third energy drink. I've never had anyone talk about singly-linked-lists in such an exuberant fashion, but rather than instilling excitement it simply made me forget anything I ever knew about lists, testing, or writing code in general.
It's a good thing I'm an experienced barista and waitress. If all else fails, I'll just serve people the food I can't afford.
In other news, I have an exam in 4 hours for a class I only attended half the lectures for. I may have failed the midterm and it's a pass/fail class. It would be quite embarrassing to have a failed minicourse on my transcript, but hopefully with my brilliant interviewing skills I can explain it away. I was tired, I had health issues, there was constant house drama, people kept stealing my caffeine, I have a chronic disease, I like to sleep, I'm paying for school, I'm a girl in a male-dominated field of COURSE I'm under constant pressure and honestly, having a 148 guys staring at your chest is rather disconcerting. That, sir, is why I'm a failure and don't know how to delete the second-to-last instance of a certain value from this singly-linked-list. No, I don't know what memory managed means.
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| Monday, January 5th, 2009
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1:29 pm - bleh!
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I have to go back to school now, yet still don't feel quite motivated. I wish the most challenging part of my day could be finding the best sunny spot in the house. Life would be much easier as a cat.
In other news, nothing exciting happens in my life. Except the almost hurricane months ago.
I'm going to go listen to more Christmas music while it's still the 11th day of Christmas and read my new cookbook before having to come to terms with the fact that at this time in 2 days I'll be in class learning more useless things.
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| Thursday, December 11th, 2008
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1:23 am - what was that?
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Well, hello there.
I have three finals left and the motivation of a dead plant.
Also, I've become lazy and dropped a class and don't work anymore.
However, I ran a marathon a couple months ago and still like my boyfriend, so I guess that's good news. I also don't have to get a Christmas present for said boyfriend (neither of us wants one from the other so score?) so that's also good news because I hate Christmas shopping.
Also, I need to learn what iterators and functors are before 7 tomorrow because I will then take a final involving them.
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| Thursday, August 28th, 2008
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7:01 pm - Gustav!
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Currently I'm in the Cayman Islands, directly in the path of Hurricane Gustav. Awesome!
Unfortunately, you can't get off the island because you can't get through to the airline to order tickets, and even if you do get to Miami, Spirit Airlines won't fly us back to Detroit because we didn't take their flight to Miami. Sooooooo....yeah. This will be loads and loads of fun. Everyone here is kinda panicky.
Personally, I'm only alarmed because I have classes starting Tuesday, I'm supposed to work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night, and I still haven't bought books or taken anything out of the boxes in my room. Otherwise I might be slightly excited to be stranded without much food on an island in the middle of the Caribbean as a Category 2 goes over.
Going along with my sunburn and foot injury (I jumped on a rock and gouged a chunk out of my heel), this is pretty typical of my vacations. Perhaps I should cease leaving home/school.
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| Monday, July 28th, 2008
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9:53 pm - I only worked for 10 hours today
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I got a terrible grade on my econ midterm. I work a lot but still don't manage to make enough to go to school. I got into the engineering school and immediately had a mental breakdown because I have no idea what to do with my life.
Yet, somehow, I've been happy for a full three days now, which is something pretty foreign to me. It's awesome. I really, really, really hope everything works out and I stay being happy. Now I just have to hope I don't think myself out of it.
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
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8:25 pm - don't you worry 'bout a thing!
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My right leg is currently my only appendage that doesn't have a surface injury at this moment, if you don't count mosquito bites and the problem that has been mysteriously plaguing my food since December. That's not a surface injury. I was right the first time. Dear self, Stop running into things, Love, Self.
I have a tiny room. It's fairly adorable. I'm feeling better about my tiny room for next year, too. In a short month or so, I'll be moving from "the bat cave" to "the dungeon/cupboard-under-the-stairs." An improvement? Perhaps? We'll see. I'm appreciating my own room, however. It's bad enough having to sneak through the kitchen where someone is talking on the phone through the living room where one of my housemates basically lives up the stairs to the bat cave. I don't want a roommate again. Unless, I suppose, I'm sleeping with the roommate. Then I don't think I would mind as much?
Anyway. Art Fair is next week. Between 2 jobs, I'm already scheduled for 66 hours. I'm going to get my ass kicked. I also have class. However, money! Smile!
I get to go to the Cayman Islands in 1 1/2 months. Yes please.
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| Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
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9:55 pm - summer summer summer
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Four jobs. Awesome. I've only worked three in one day though, and that included my easy, come-when-you-like research job, so that's not too bad.
I'm taking a class starting next week. That's about twenty pounds of awesome. I'll also be moving back downtown (yesss) and WON'T have to pay for it myself because if I am paying for it myself, I'd be living with some guys. I live with girls, my mom will pay. So that works out well.
I have a 12-hour work day (7 hours, 3 hour break, 5 more hours) tomorrow so I think I'm going to get my ass to bed soon. I hope being an adult doesn't suck this much. Then again, I don't know what to do with myself and get all introspective when I have too much time on my hands so it's really for the best. Keep Emo Kelsey back in 8th grade where she belongs.
Side note: It's gorgeous outside. There are few things I love more than almost chilly summer nights.
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| Sunday, June 1st, 2008
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10:49 pm - thinking of everything we could have been
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I don't have a day off of work in sight in the future, as I usually work Mondays and I'm working everyday Monday through Sunday. Having three jobs = awesome. It's ok, though, I tend to get moody without stuff to do. Or I just take lots of naps. For example, I didn't have to work today, so I took a four hour nap instead of cleaning my room.
I really wish I wasn't living at home right now, but I'm being bribed with food and gas money. If I move away, I have to pay for food, rent, and gas (if they let me take a car) and I'm ridiculously poor. I don't have any scholarship left for next year, apparently, so I should have gone to Drexel or BU because now either one would be cheaper than UM. Sucks.
Today I should have run a half marathon, but apparently dedication is something beyond my grasp. This is true in many aspects of life.
I've been feeling oddly nostalgic and panicky lately. Well, more so than normal.
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| Saturday, May 3rd, 2008
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2:00 pm - may may may
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It's rainy. Rainy, rainy, rainy. I heard once this thing about April showers and May flowers, but I guess that doesn't really apply in Michigan or something.
I'm home. (Home, home, home.) I've been hunting for a job, perhaps futilely. I suppose I can cobble at least a full-time job together from the 3 slight options that I have, but that requires me to live at home. I don't really super approve of that, but you do what you have to do. And I may have to do this.
In the meantime, I've baked cookies, made a pie, made dinner a few times, watched half of Ugly Betty season 1, half of Grey's Anatomy season 3, three movies, the rest of Heroes and the Office that I've missed, read a book, gone running a few times, read five magazines, drove my siblings around, applied to 12 places, checked back at half of those places, cut my own hair, got my hair cut, slept in, played piano, guitar, and harmonica, scheduled appointments, bought concert tickets, put in 30 hours at work, and got a new viola student. So apparently, I'm being productive, but it's driving me crazy. This is the least busy I've been in years. I can't handle it.
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
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10:29 am - Oh, April
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As of this moment, two of my classes are officially over. Exam Thursday, exam Tuesday, sweet academic freedom for at least a week. Woo!
Loft is gone. Our room looks large, white, and incredibly boring and wrong. There's also no floorspace, because our mattresses are on the floor and we still have the futon. It's a lot brighter, though?
It finally feels like spring outside. It rains a lot. I don't mind too much, because my umbrella is bright green and adorable.
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2008
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8:06 pm - rely a bit too heavily on alcohol and irony
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My dorm no longer feels quite like home. We have to move our loft out before our exam study days start, so we're slowing stripping the room of personality. I have half of my books packed up and ready to go, and now it's mostly clothes and posters left. I'm mildly afraid to take my posters down, actually. It'll be empty and white and no longer very friendly at all.
I can't seem to comprehend that I only have less than 2 weeks of school left. It's the middle of April. UofM, what the hell? As I'm probably taking summer classes, though, it probably isn't that big of a deal.
I miss running track, mostly because it's spring and beautiful outside.
Despite my inability to use a computer well, I applied to Computer Science Engineering. I may end up shooting myself.
I have to write papers and run and keep breathing breathing breathing, yet I can't seem to panic either.
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| Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
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11:42 am - Realizations made while showering
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As I oftentimes have to work at 5:30 in the morning, a shower that isn’t at 5:00am stretches to unheard of lengths (anything exceeding 5 minutes) and usually involves some solid thinking. Today, I thought about how I once wanted to be a writer, or an editor, or a psychiatrist, and then I wondered why the hell I’m considering engineering.
I guess that’s the way it’s been overall lately. I guess that’s typical for someone’s first year of college and whatnot, but I never really considered the fact that I would have no idea what I'm doing on so many levels, with school work not being one of them.
I could say it started with senioritis sometime in January of last year, but as I’ve had a mild form of senioritis ever since my sister graduated that would be rather silly. I think I’ll just blame everything on being a modern …young adult? I dislike that term.
Anyway. My first term of school at the university to which I swore up and down I wasn’t going to go ended nearly two months ago. A year ago I had 6 options still, but after flying around the country while severely ill and visiting schools on both coasts in the span of four days, I realized I’m terrified of a life of debt and decided to go to school 20 minutes away from my house. Oh well. I mean, it’s easier to get home-cooked meals and emergency supplies from home this way.
I was feeling a retrospective, beginning of a New Year entry, but as it’s late February I kinda missed the boat on that one.
Quick sum-up for those who care:
I...
...went to a lot of concerts, and they were sweet.
...mostly stopped running and playing my instruments. I regret this.
...worked 4 different jobs.
...lost the necklaces that I wore everyday for years and haven’t replaced them because it’s weird.
...realized how cripplingly self-deprecating and self-critical I am, learned I was shy.
...smoke and drank things.
...flew on an airplane for the first time in 7 years. Liked it.
...lost (essentially) my two best friends in the same month.
...lived the single life.
...tried to give up regretting things as it’s a pointless pastime. Mostly failed. (see above)
...had multiple people assume I was years older than I am.
In conclusion, the future is in the process of freaking me out.
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| Saturday, October 13th, 2007
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1:15 pm - forget about your house of cards
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I don't get enough sleep anymore, but I'm pretty sure my body is adapting to this constant state of sleepiness.
The new Radiohead album makes me want to dance awkwardly. However, since my dancing could never equal that of Thom Yorke, I'm trying very hard to resist.
I didn't fail my first 3 exams. That's good.
After a wonderful (coughcough) week of 80 degree weather last week, I'm very happy for it to be cool again. Unfortunately, they turned the heat on. Ours won't go off. I already had someone in here to fix it, but it didn't work....I have a fan on and the windows open and it's 40-some outside. That's ridiculous.
Now that I've got my room all set up and organized, I think I'm going to rearrange it. Mostly because I still want a futon.
I saw Matt Nathanson last week, and the concert was nearly a healing experience. Mostly because I went by myself and no one knew me, so I was free to dance around and act as ridiculous as I pleased without repercussions. In fact, I got complimented by a complete stranger on my concert-going skills. And I got a signed poster. Woo!
In other news, there isn't much other news.
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| Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
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4:03 pm - I'm a college student.
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Yesterday was my half birthday. It was pretty exciting, I'll admit. I got up, went to class, did the first part of a study that I get paid to participate in, went to more class, then wasted two hours at a meeting for a job that didn't want to hire me. Then I did homework.
Maybe my real birthday will be more exciting.
Anyway, I've been here for almost a month. I have a job at Espresso Royale which is working out pretty well, I have a lot of boring classes that I don't study enough for, and for some reason I decided to take German again. I'm also switching into the Engineering school. My roommate and I get along really well.
I saw the Format and Nervous But Excited (finally) and bought a shirt and bought some posters for my room and in general am set in this room. Though I could use a bigger futon. I'm in an all-girls dorm.
There is a tree outside my window that has a few red leaves right on the tips of some branches. This means fall is coming, so I'm pretty excited. I need someone to take me apple picking.
I'm sure there's more to be said, but maybe I'll say it another time. I don't do anything anymore. This means I don't get anything done. When I have a ton of stuff that I'm doing I do it all. When I don't....I don't do anything. This isn't very good for my grades, I think.
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| Sunday, July 29th, 2007
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2:47 pm - two months later
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Hm. It's been a while.
Graduation and my Graduation party went well, as did the whirlwind weekends of trying to get to as many of my friends' parties as possible. Going to Savannah to get Kendall went well. Fiddler minitour was more fun than I expected it to be, and on actual tour I fell in love with San Francisco. I got 5's on both AP tests (amazingly, I guess.) and designed, ordered, and only half distributed class shirts for both of those classes. I got another job at Caffe Dolce and have now become almost a senior staff member because so many people left right after I got there and we're hiring people that I'm training.
Orientation was last weekend, and I chose my classes (Calc 3, Chem, German) so that's all set. We're supposed to find out roommates sometime in the next two weeks. My dorm for next year is all girls and one of the few that hasn't been renovated yet, but I'll survive. At least I have pretty blue sheets?
I really wish I was going farther away for college. I feel slightly trapped.
Concerts were fun recently. I finally saw Mason Proper, saw Built to Spill again, and then the Ben Kweller concert was amazing. Except for the piano that died in the middle of In Other Words. That sucked.
Um.....that's it. My parents are being frustrating, but I think it's worse because they both said things today that I think are far more true that I wish they were, so I guess I can't really blame them. At least I get along with them better than it seems most people get along with their parents?
I want it to storm again, but the sky is a gorgeous shade of blue. Michigan weather hates me. I'm going to go take a shower.
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| Thursday, May 24th, 2007
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11:29 pm
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I'm tired of revving cars and pathetic painting jobs and dead baby animals and relativity and a lack of respect and bugs and orchestra and perpetual cowboy hats and fighting and blaming and all the pettiness that goes into every day of my life.
The end. Or, really, almost.
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| Sunday, May 20th, 2007
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1:52 am - still waiting for that sunrise
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One more week one more week one more week.
Cedar Point was soooo much fun. It poured, but only while we were doing calculations, so it was OK. Natalie and I can't triangulate to save our lives, because we calculated Millennium Force to be only 107 feet tall...which is only about 200 feet off, right? But since it was cold and windy and rainy there was no one there, so all the rides were still open but no one was there to go on them so the lines were super short. However, the transmission fluid somehow leaking out of the bus and leaving us stranded there for about 2 extra hours? Not so awesome.
AP Physics was easy (I hope.) I'm guessing a 5 on that, and hopefully a 5 on Calc, but we won't know for another two months. By then I won't really care, I don't think.
Track is over. I did awful at my last meet, but I did my hurdles and I long jumped and ran the worst two-mile of my life. (I think my freshman year time, when I ran into a bench and fell over in the first half-mile and ran the rest of it with huge bruises, a limp, and blood running down my leg, was better.) But I did it! My half marathon is in two weeks, and I think I'm going to finish just fine. My knee was acting funny today, but...it'll be fine.
Oh, by the way...one more week.
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| Wednesday, May 9th, 2007
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8:06 pm - and I'm not a failure, I swear
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After our huge trip and all the excitement of being really sick while flying a lot and walking on campus tours a lot...I decided to go to UofM. I really made the decision while walking around the campus of Northeastern, which I really liked, but I'm far too logical and rational to spend more money to go to a school that isn't as good just because it isn't in my backyard. I guess I'll go somewhere fun for grad school. Maybe.
I already applied for housing and orientation and stuff, so...it's weird. I'm going to Michigan. Laaaame.
My AP Calc test was this morning, and it could have gone better. I guess it could have gone much worse too, but...I won't find out how I did for two months anyway, so I'm basically trying to forget about it. Monday is the AP Physics exam, then Wednesday we're going to Cedar Point, and then I'll only have a week left of school after that. Which makes it a little less than 2 1/2 weeks. I don't know if I can handle this.
My last track meet is tomorrow. I'm running the 100 Hurdles, the 4x200, and the 2 mile...I've run every single running event except the first two, and if I run the 2 mile one more time I get a t-shirt for it. So...gotta get that all taken care of tomorrow. The real last JV meet is next Wednesday, but I'm going to be at Cedar Point, sneaking accelerometers on rides and doing calculations. Awwwwesome.
Prom was this last weekend, which was a lot of fun. Sadly, the weekend wasn't a lot of fun in other ways, but really there's nothing you can do about a lot of stuff. I think I'm a lot more easy-going and less of a control-freak than I used to be...it's kinda nice to just not worry about stuff anymore.
Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Two more weeks.
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| Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
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10:32 pm - keeping from you keeps me from sleep
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I recently had my 1000th post and my 4th birthday with this livejournal. Weeiirrdd...I was a pretty weird kid back then when I started it. Maybe I'll eventually make all those entries private...no one needs to read all that.
I'm leaving in the morning to go to Seattle then Boston with my mom. Hopefully I'll be able to make a college choice after that...I'm kinda scared that I'll fall in love with Washington. We really can't pay for it...but is it worth it to be in debt for something you love? I don't know. We'll find out.
I'm going to be so relieved when I finally make a choice, though. My mom and I went and prayed with a guy from our church, and instead of just being about college it turned into so much more. I don't know how it'll all turn out eventually...but I'm hopeful. It would be nice to get some God back.
I only have 5 weeks of school left. I'm pretty happy about it. AP test are in the next 3 weeks, but after that I'll only have Collage Concert to be worried about, and I have no reason to be worried about Collage. It'll be weird to have...nothing for summer, essentially, but I'm sure college plans will take up some of that. I'm started to get excited instead of scared again, which is good.
I feel as if there is a lot left to say, but really....there isn't that much. I don't know.
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